In the early 2000s, romance often came wrapped in grand gestures, dramatic speeches and perfectly timed airport chases. These moments did not just entertain viewers, but they also shaped how audiences began to define love.
In The O.C., Seth Cohen expresses his love for Summer Roberts through over-the-top public declarations, turning her into a comic-book character and creating meaningful gifts like CD mixes and handwritten notes. While these gestures were made for compelling television, they reinforced the idea that love must be loud, constant and cinematic, creating expectations that real relationships rarely, if ever, meet.
Unfortunately for me, I love almost every form of entertainment that includes romance: movies, TV shows and books. While I do not actively yearn for a relationship, every time I finish a romantic movie or series, I cannot help but wonder if I will ever experience a love like the one on screen.
I have never been in a relationship before, but after consuming countless stories about the “perfect” romance, it feels like I should know exactly what to look for. The truth, however, is that finding someone who would write you 365 letters a year is not exactly common, especially not in Miami.
Even though The Notebook is a fictional story, I still like to believe it was inspired by real life. At least, that is what I tell myself when I feel especially single.
At the same time, the number of horror stories I have heard about how some guys treat girls makes it feel like we are living in two completely different worlds. This is not to say that every guy is terrible; there are plenty of great people out there. But the more romantic media I consume, the higher and more unrealistic my standards seem to become.
Social media has only added to the pressure. Grand gestures and romantic efforts, like writing love letters or planning something meaningful, are often labeled as “cringe” or unnecessary. Acts that once symbolized genuine care now feel risky in a culture that prioritizes nonchalance.
At the start of this year, I decided to focus on myself and the things that make me happy. This meant not actively searching for a relationship or going out of my way to impress a guy. In the past, I found myself comparing my life to my friends’ relationships and wondering when it would be my turn. Eventually, I adopted the mindset of “if he wanted to, he would,” deciding that unless someone clearly showed interest, I would not give them my time.
Over time, though, I began to wonder if I was being too harsh on myself and on others. No one in my life had even come close to meeting the standards I had built up. That is when I started questioning where those expectations came from. Most people around me are not in relationships, and those who are have never experienced their partner singing “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You” in front of an entire school.
That is when I realized the issue was not romance itself; instead, it was how much romantic media I consumed. Romantic comedies are not the problem, but constantly watching them can create one: expectations that are nearly impossible to meet.
I have started to retrain my mindset by allowing myself to find someone cute without imagining a whole future with them. I am also working to let go of the idea that a guy will learn French for me, as Cameron did for Bianca in 10 Things I Hate About You.
In the end, everything is easier said than done. With the number of times I have rewatched Seth Cohen chase after Summer Roberts until they get their happy ending, I do not know if I will ever find someone like that. But what I do know is this: while the media may exaggerate romance, it has taught me one thing worth keeping. I will not settle for anything less than a genuine effort.
