Bad to the bone

Jared Heller, Managing and Design Editor

There is a growing problem throughout the halls of Palmetto High. An infestation. Rats? Cockroaches? No, worse. Chicken bones.

This troublesome invasion of chicken arose this school year when Michelle Obama eliminated pizza from public school lunch menus across the country. Instead of serving Dominos, which the students not only enjoyed, but also could completely consume, the cafeteria and lunch carts now serve greasy fried chicken wings. The mounds of bones are left as proof of the first and second lunch chicken eating frenzy. When I say “left as proof”, I really mean it. The lunch remnants can be found strewn across the ground, on the stair cases and in even stranger places throughout the school [See pictures below]. Walking to my fifth period – in the upstairs 2,000 building – I, without fail, stumble upon multiple piles of chicken wings, some half eaten, others clean to the bone. There is a trashcan at the top of that staircase as well as one a few steps outside of the building. It blows my mind how the bones end up everywhere, except the trashcan. Unless this turns into an “I ate the bones” situation, we have a problem.

Is there a hidden purpose to these abandoned pieces of chicken? Will the trail of fowl lead me to hidden treasure? I could be wrong, but I do not believe this is the case.

This ever-growing dilemma needs to be dealt with. I feel as though I am walking through a chicken bone graveyard on my daily commute to class. While I believe I have a responsibility to make sure the place I attend five times a week is sanitary, I don’t want to go around collecting others half-eaten lunches. Let’s eradicate this problem from the source itself. Those that eat the chicken wings and don’t dispose of what yields need to change their ways. In no way am I saying don’t gorge yourself in poultry, I’m just saying throw the bones away afterwards.

For the sake of our school’s cleanliness and my mental well being, please throw your mangled chicken wings in the garbage and not on the floor. This has been a public service announcement from me to you. Thank you.

Chicken bones are flying all over the place. Literally.
Chicken bones are flying all over the place. Literally.
A chicken bone in its natural habitat: under a table in the Pawvillian
A chicken bone in its natural habitat: under a table in the Pawvillian
What's missing from the beautiful trees in Palmetto. chicken bones, of course.
What’s missing from the beautiful trees in Palmetto? Chicken bones, of course.
Contrary to popular opinion, if you plant a chicken bone, a chicken will not grow.
Contrary to popular opinion, if you plant a chicken bone, a chicken will not grow.
Maybe whoever did this felt like the first bone here needed friends.
Maybe whoever did this felt like the first bone here needed friends.
This must have taken a lot of effort. How does one "weave" a bone?
This must have taken a lot of effort. How does one “weave” a bone?
So Palmetto may not be the pretties place. Sure, we could use some grass where the dirt and rocks are. However, does that justify making the school even uglier?
So Palmetto may not be the prettiest place. Sure, we could use some grass where the dirt and rocks are. However, does that justify making the school even uglier?
This must have taken more effort than it would have to throw the chicken bone out.
This must have taken more effort than it would have to throw the chicken bone out.
Really? Are you kidding me? You couldn't throw out the bones? The trashcan is right there.
Really? Are you kidding me? You couldn’t throw out the bones? The trashcan is right there.
What is better than rushing down the stairs to find your foot in a pile of chicken bones?
What is better than rushing down the stairs to find your foot in a pile of chicken bones?
This litterer seems like a very neat person. They obviously spent a lot of time putting their bones back in the container. If only they had remembered one small part of the equation: the garbage can.
This litterer seems like a very neat person. They obviously spent a lot of time putting their bones back in the container. If only they had remembered one small part of the equation: the garbage can.