Labubus, matcha, wired headphones and feminist literature. These have all become identifiers of a “performative male” or a man who stylizes their life in a “feminine” way, often to attract women. The trend, which is in direct opposition to the alpha-male trend, has been on the rise in recent months. Gaining popularity on TikTok and Instagram, the style builds on the “soft boy” aesthetic that emerged years ago, but seemingly takes a less serious approach. Aware of its negative reception, especially online, it still persists. Some have even gone as far as to refer to it as an “epidemic” of performative males. The trend has reached new heights across major cities and universities as many have hosted performative male contests in which hundreds gather to crown the most performative male of all.
At first, I viewed performative males as another stop in the never-ending cycle of trends. But, then I gained a new perspective on performative males. While thinking about men in the media, I noticed a pattern that many have the attributes of a performative male. Characters like Jess Mariano, Conrad Fisher and Peeta Mellark, in different ways highlight sensitivity and intelligence now being viewed as performative. These characters are loved for their vulnerability, but when vulnerability, emotions and sensitivity are expressed in real life, they do not receive the same admiration. So why is it different for the men in our favorite TV shows and movies than it is for men of the real world? We hold a double standard; it is not only for men and women, but also between fiction and reality.
Looking past TikTok trends, the idea of performative males hinges on established gender roles. Conventional men must be hyper-masculine, emotionless and embrace self-denial. At their extreme, these attributes can manifest into an ideology which romanticizes toxic masculinity and abuse toward women. With all of these different opinions about masculinity circulating around, social media is warping and making it harder for people to understand why making fun of performative males is such a loaded issue.
This is, though, the exact reason why it is so important. These kinds of trends are a chance to convince men that some displays of femininity are not only accepted, but valued and encouraged. At the moment, even men who are not performative and genuinely like more female stereotyped things have retreated from publicly displaying it out of fear of being made fun of. This fear will set us back when it could be moving us forward.
Many people argue that “performative males” are only pretending to like these things in order to be desirable to women. My answer to that is: so what? Even if it is performative, men liking female-centric things is not damaging. In fact, letting a man perform being softer, more emotional or less physically aggressive will widen society’s expectations of how they can act. If this can become the new norm, it will eventually lead to a change in men’s approach to interacting with the world. Making more emotionally available partners, fathers, friends and people will ultimately have a net positive impact on the world. Women right now have the opportunity to get real change from men by embracing the performative male. Men have the opportunity to not be bound to such constricting rules of what they should and should not like. We have the chance to stop applying a double standard in real lives versus fantasies of masculinity and create a world where the ideal is more easily attainable for all. So, we can either go through another cycle of trend, backlash and repeat or we can see the Clairo vinyls, leather journals and totebags for what they truly are: an era of change.
